this weekend

People are soooo completely ignorant and over the top sometimes! You don't know friends and people until you've seen them party or seen them bored. I spent the weekend with some friends, but apparently staying home with friends doing origami and watching movies means "no life."

So this weekend, there was a dance hosted by the quidditch team. Sure, yea, I'm on the team, but it's not like I'm buddy buddy with all of them. I saw them 2 times a week for 3 week last semester, and I only saw them once this semester so far. So at the dance I tried to dance and you know, hopefully get my friends to not feel awkward and go with it. Yea, there weren't as many people at the dance as I'd thought, and some of the music wasn't quite as Dance-able as you'd expect at a dance, but hey, you got dressed and paid to go there, you might as well have fun right? But one friend, I won't name, totally hated it. She started off ok, "oh I can't dance to this, oh this is not a dance song..." and ok, yea I see. Then she complained about the people dancing and how weird they look and I don't know. Grinding I can understand making fun of but people goofing off? UGH!! I hated her for the night for not even trying to have fun. I was super excited and was expecting you know, a dance is what you make of it, so we could make it enjoyable. But nope. She outright hated it. Then, going back to the team and all, lol, I said hi and all that to a few people, but then since they weren't doing anything, they basically pressured me out to sociallize. Sure I'll socialize with the team, but not when put on the spot like that. Plus don't people usually go up to friends with with their own friends so they can introduce each other and have fun together? I was open to that, but They didn't seem too interested... idk, we left after about 30 minutes of a 4 hour dance. Just wasn't fun when my supposed friend criticized everything about the dance. I didn't know what to do, I usually trail along or something. Ugh, maybe I seem more social than I really am, because I am really awkward if you knew how and what I were thinking.

Then we went searching for some club to go to or some college party to join, and at first I was excited about it. I went to a club once, and everyone was sober and laughing and totally having fun. I didn't know what a college party was like, maybe like that club so I said yes, lets go to one. We went and it was a little apartment with 2 some people all looking like they were freidns and drunk or drinking. So maybe the club I went to was with ASL interpreters and they were too educated and mature to get crazy drunk. Maybe I only saw the studious side of my friends and didn't know they wanted to get drunk too. As we got ready for the party, everyone was saying they were ready to get drunk. Everyone was dressing sexy and I was just saying I wanted to look hot but casual. Maybe a graphic Tee and jeans. Nope. I was wearing my party friend's high waited short-is skirt and a thin top. And the previous night we  were making origami decor and I thought I was fun and all, but I guess I'm still in the naiive little girl stage in life, where I'm happy with just a sleepover, movies, crafts with friends. sharing pictures and all. Wish I had geeky friends like on the quidditch team, but not way overly competitive and atheletic like them. I don't really fit in with them because I guess I'm too girly for contact sports, too atheletic for my studious friends, too reserved for my party friends and too self concious about other stuff for my class friends.

I try. I really do. I try to be outgoing. I try to match my ideal personality. I'm totally crazy and loud and opinionated and fun in my head and online. but with real people and all, I don't know how to be myself out there. I try, but then every now an then people are making me rethink myself. Don't want to be that kid who is super annoying and can't get a hint, but don't want to be that kid who'd super selfconcious(which is what I am now). Great. Drama. Personal. Emotional. Social. Drama.

(I usually think along lines of "do it yourself," but the normal thing is "get help and go from there." I assume you don't need to use names and all and just need to care for everyone, but everyone is saying "YOU NEED TO USE NAMES!! You need to thank people, but I assume some situations you would know who helped who out and you don't need thank yous and it's implied, but apparently not. Don't they say something like the hardest thing to say is "Help me" and "Thank you"?

Idk, I feel better after hanging out with them the day after, going to lunch and just chilling out. But the oast two nights, friday and saturday night --> WORSE TIME WITH FRIENDS!