Death in Dream

I just had a dream. *GASP!* A DREAM?! So in the dream, I’m in an area with the same layout as my college, but in the dream, this place was a fair at a park in a city. I’m wandering around helping out and a guy who’s my dreamworld-uncle is working at a booth. At the end of the day, he packs up his stand, and calls me over as I pass. Now, it’s that time in his life where everything his says is crackly and sounds strangled, so I didn’t care take notice of his struggling voice. He tells me to tell my grandma a message. (this is weird because in the dream, I wasn’t thinking of my grandma but just a general grandma person. Yea, atleast for this dream, the dream “me” knew these family members, but real “me” knew for a fact these weren’t even people from me life.) So his message was that he would come home later. He’d be back on a certain day but he never physically said the words, and I didn’t notice it was strange for him to just say the date. He told me to write down: 12/22. as he finished saying 22, he stuttered/repeated it a bit. I looked up to see what the heck was wrong. As I turned up, I saw his head drop infront of me(don’t get me wrong, he’s not beheaded, don’t screw up what I’m saying. I mean his body just fell, and his head just happened to fall in front of me.) Funny thing was I didn’t scream or get super scared. I just had a what-just-happened expression. I still had the scissors in my hand (yes, I carved the message into the booth, whatcha gonna do?) and I was just staring at him…I don’t know what happened, but I then found myself hugging him, too shocked to cry, and frantic to do something about the situation. My mind was surprisingly not racing. In fact nothing was going through my mind, no words were coming out my mouth, but I kept gaping. Then I woke up and my real world mind was watching the scene and thinking, “omg, this is the first death I’ve ever encountered and it’s right in front of me.”

It wasn’t real enough though because I felt no emotion beyond a sympathetic facial expression and the knowledge of this happening.

Feel free to interpret the dream, but I can relate a ton of this to stuff that happened today, so it’s probably just my subconscious making stuff out of memories and thoughts and imagination rather than a predicament. I just thought this dream was cool and I should share with you.

People of this world...

“true to your heart” and it’ll always tell you the truth? HA! What if you can’t trust yourself? When you know you’re delusional and can’t trust yourself, what then? You gonna go out and tell someone “rationalize the world for me, pleasee!!!” Well, tell me when you find that person because no one will do that but a mental hospital. Or just suicide. Yea, THIS is why suicide should be legal.

Well, all I’m saying is that there are lots of “what ifs”in the world. People can suggest you make a smart decision, and you can follow. Or, you can be persistent and follow your heart. Either way, it’s your choice. You’re not wrong for thinking others are wrong in telling you “your place” but they aren’t wrong in suggesting you settle with something stable and easy to work with to support yourself.

 

 We’re all raised to think we can do anything we want and that we’re unique and special, but what if it’s all a lie? What if we are just average people who need to get their shit together and get a real job instead of chasing wild fantasies of becoming a world renown reporter or artist or celebrity or author or lawyer or philosopher such as MLK or Socrates. Or what if we all have a place to be, whether we like it or not? Like in Mulan where men are to do things out of honor and women need to do things to support them.

This also enrages me. Why do things out of honor? You hurt yourself or others just for a title? Eventually, more than halve the people you end up hurting won't even deserve it. Like war…. “I’ll fight for my country! I don’t believe in war, but it’s honorable and gives me pride” or some mafia "I must kill this kid because it keeps up my reputation!" is NOT a good reason. You need to believe in what you’re doing. Otherwise, if everyone thought like that, it’d be VERY Easy for someone to control us. For example, someone says “you should kill him because it’s honorable” or “Go be a house wife because it’s honorable to you man…” NO! Oh my, people these days….we have too much pride and honor and bullshit. Forget it. I give up on people. (just kidding tho!)


Speaking of ignorant people, a Christian group recruiter or someone like that came up to me and started talking about "I believe everyone's a sinner and everyone sucks and doesn't deserve heaven. “I don't mind that she loves her god so much, but now that she's interrupted my reading time and started talking about all this religion when I've decidedly cut religion out of my life, it makes her sound desperate. It's like she's saying, "we have 2,000,000 Christians and it's the most followed religion, but we still want more people and we're not forcing religion on you yet we're asking you to join...again and again and again until you join just to get us off your backs but once you join you have to do all this and hold a reputation that shows you're good and forgivable and......." Plus she started with "Do you think about death? Then went to what happens after life. I guess that's a good intro, but it doesn't hook me in if you're talking about religion. If you're talking about the supernatural and ghosts and stuff, sure, I’ll talk with you. (hahah yea, I just said "uh huh...yep..ok... while she rambled on about something I KNOW I don't believe in. "god" hasn't shown me he's a higher power than me by earning his position, so he's still below me in my mind.) But it's after death so I'll live my life, then worry about what to do after my life if I need to. I'm not wasting my life pleasing a god that may or may not exist. And how do we have "spirits?" We're born of chemistry and electrons bonding and like a battery, we just "turn on" without reason. The battery doesn't do anything until you connect it with a tool that can wire its power to use, and babies don't come to life until that one bond connects us all and we're "Alive."

Moving on from religion since it's so touchy for some people, I'll wrap it up here. Enjoy you day!

Religion corrupts us

Over and over again, I've been asking myself the same question: why? Why do we do what we do? And the simplicity of it all makes you want to laugh. The answer (the ONLY answer) I kept coming back to was this: we believe we're alive for a reason, and for there to be a reason, there must be some high power.

God. This is all humans have ever worked for. God. Well, ok, first there was survival and all that, but after we've settled and could sustain ourselves. We wondered why are we here? What's the meaning of life? Well, it's to enjoy all the beauty of the natural Earth, right? Well, where did all this beauty come from? No answer. For all these mysteries we couldn't explain, and some we still can't explain, people have created some "god." Now we call him Jesus but others give him different names according to their beliefs. But who's right?

Where did "god" come from? Where is the proof that He exists among us, above us, or around us? What can we really say about him aside from the little coincidences in life that seem like miracle answers to our prayers? We pray and pray, but what is "Praying?" Praying is the act of bargaining with non-physical beings. Praying to ancestors, to gods, to the Elements, to the spirits of the world. Praying is wishing. And wishing can only get you so far in life. Miracles can happen; mysteries do develop around things we cannot explain. Someday, we may explain it.

I mean, once, we thought Gods made the weather come and go if we were good. Gods are adults' parents. Adults need someone to look up to too, just as kids do. And adults know very well you can't get something from nothing. So they pray-bargain.

Why do we fight? Why do we still have wars in such civilized times? Because someone somewhere believed their god told them so. Because god said to do something, it's the "right thing" to do, no matter how they achieve their goal. Why are we offended by attacks to a religion? Because it's the one thing we rely on. The one we can trust to show us the way. Religion in your heart and soul, and it's really you in a sense. You are the one who heard god, You are the one who wants something done, You are doing something in return for a miracle happening or some gift you mysteriously received. This is not god, but your own subconscious. It's who you trust. And if you can't trust yourself, you can't trust anyone. This is why people get defensive about religion. They need the security.

Even atheists have some security they look to. It may not be a god, or something to worship. But it is something, nonetheless. It maybe you wishing hard as you can to ace a test. It may be you thanking some invisible friend for your mother surviving surgery or cancer. It may even be you trying to find your way out of depression. No matter what, you have something you look to, talk to, confess and argue with, learn from, and so on.

Now what's my point in all this? Why just go attack every single person out there? Atheists and religious persons alike, we all need some constant invisible "friend" to keep us going in life. All I'm saying is, don't bring religion out into an argument or use religion to justify an action. Religion is the root cause of all that has ever gone awry in human history that we could control.

Plus science has taught us that everything happens for a reason. Now that's hard proof that "god" is in our heads and the unexplainable in life is just super science we haven't yet uncovered.

Fake

I'm sorry for what you are about to read. I usually hate when people hate others but I just....ugh, I have to!
 
Koreans. Hate them. They're so fake now! Watch some of their videos? Gangnam style? Yup, just focused on sex, looking fit and thin. Dancing and lip-syncing. I know Americans do it too, but still. Koreans try to make their videos all light colored and neon and make the sexy thing look innocent. And then all these people copying rap from Americans!! It's...ehh for us, but for others? They don't even fully rap it's like stutter a word over and over until it sounds like rap but isn't rap is only cool if you do it like Karmin music. Not even some of the other rap we have in America, but rap is supposed to be fun, freeing, and NOT about sex drugs or other. I guess the choreography for Korean, oh sorry, K-pop music is fun and fresh, but it's all synchronized to look cool. It’s not talent, it's just entertainment. I just hate how people substitute talents with visuals and "entertainment." Breakdance, salsa, other real dance, even freelance or hip hop or pop dance or musical dances that tell stories or portray emotions (do not even TRY to tell me sex-show-off dances evoke emotion). It all works, just don't walk and wave and call it "dancing." So American music videos are ruined by this too. It all flips from scene to scene without fully letting audiences see the costumes, setting, and all that.
 
Let me tell you something else that's SOOO fake. American women. And girls. Tanning until it's not even natural, bleaching you hair even if it doesn't match your complexion and dyeing your hair jet black or something crazy which doesn't even work with your personality or with you face or skin tone. These people who over accessorize, spend tons to maintain a fake image, and got for spa days, manny-patties, and pedicure, and crazy things like that.
 
Smh, our world is running out of ideas, we're over doing ourselves, rushing to do everything when in the end, we don't even have that much to do. No wonder we're all turning to sex and drugs and violence to entertain ourselves now...

btw, ever notice how she wears a different outfit each movie, but they never showwhen she changes, and she only sticks with one outfit per movie. Plus each succeeding movie outfit get more complex. It used to be a dress and a gun. Now?

 

 

Thoughts while watching TV.

If I ever got dumped in the middle of a high way or somewhere I don't know, I wouldn't even hve "stuff in my pockets" to help me understand what happened or how I got there. These people in movies, stories and others, they say it's sad how they find themselves in the middle of nowhere (Nowhere, OK! you oklahomians know what I'm talking about.) with nothing but the few things in their pockets to help figure them out. I usually don't use my pockets. I usually have everything in my backpack. Wallet, phone, papers, schedule, EVERYTHING! Maybe because I'm still a student and an athelete who's too lazy to carry things in my hands and pockets. If I got lost, I bet you I wouldn't have my backpack with me (aka it'll be stolen). But that's not what I'm here for...I'm complaining today.

What if a there's a world where only adults had a "Freddy krueger curse"? Where only adults can be killed and eventually, only kids exsist. Only people under 18...maybe 25 years olds. I mean, it wouldn't end the human race like with the freddy krueger alternative, where all kids are dead. People can still have more kids, they can raise themselves and still learn. maybe won't be as productive, but we'll live. oh wait a second.....this is basically like cavemen times, isn't it? Where people didn't live past their 20s or 30s because they all died of diseases. Never mind then.

Don’t you love to psycho-analyze everyone and everything? Like just think about why someone acts like they do, why they do what they do, why is she wearing this or that? Omg, we’re contradicting ourselves. “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” as if a book were a person, but then we go to say, be yourself, get clothes and toys accessories that make you happy and make you unique! Anad that will reflect your personality! Oh, please don't psycho analyze me because I already know what that report will say. Anyone ever feel that way?

Random

You know how horrible it is transitioning? From high school to college. Well, I know plenty who've moved from school to school to city to city to state to country and beyond! I think I'm spoiled, but whatever. I can't help it. We're all raised with some level or wealth and some level of luxury, and no matter who we are or how we were raised, we always want a little more than what we were raised based on, right? I've never truly "cooked" for myself and now going to college, I need to learn. I've got down bits and pieces. I don't know the finishing step to make fried rice as brown and non-mushy as I'm used to eating. I don't know how to hard boil an egg so that the center is actually hard. I don't know what extra spices and such I need to put in fried veggies or scrambled eggs. I can only half cook. Half cook, you know? I can't real cook. I can half cook and fake cook. fake cook as in microwavables, pre-made meals, and store bought foods. I can fake cook, but not real cook. My father? Yea, he can real cook, but not fake cook. He doesn't know how much to heat a hot pocket before it's ready and perfect without reading the instructions. Does that make sense? I think it makes sense. Ok, moving on. 

I just came back from my first salsa dancing...lessons. But it was great! Yea, it was awkward dancing with guys you don't know and you can tell the guys thought the same. Guys need to have more confidence, though not soo much that you don’t know when it’s too much. However, since we were all beginners and had nothing to hide or be ashamed of, we had fun. The instructor cracked pretty...blunt jokes that everyone was thinking but wouldn't've admitted. You think "wouldn't've " is a real word? It should be since we say it so often. But

In the end, I have learned to fully real cook simple stuff, and if not, I can always fall back on making dumplings, the fail-safe plan for food. And sandwiches and spaghetti, and I'm boring you so onto my last thing: the picture!

1. I love the rainbow logo the blocky old computers had.

2. I love how the rounded plastic computers look

3. I love how big and clear and simple the new computers are.

4. I love how efficient and space saving the new laptops are.

 

who agrees?

 

Viruses |:/

Oh my you've got something new for me EVERY day, don't you? First time I got a virus, you made my internet slow. I fixed it. Then you made my search engine links lead me to some dead end. I fixed that. Then you made my computer not recognize it had adobe and all these programs that make videos and gadgets run smoothly. I also fixed that. Now? Oh, not even a full year later, you make my computer jittery as if I were pressing the screen adjustment. You know when you press the monitor's "menu adjustments" and you can shift it left right up or down. Yea, now the computer thinks I'm adjusting it 1 unit left, 1 unit right 1 up, 1 down; over and over and OVER again! PLEASSE people, if you have NOTHING better to do, why in the WORLD would you make viruses to ruin other people's time? I haven't done anything to you, I could be just like you. I may actually have important stuff to do now. I may just be a student trying to relax and watch a movie online or write on her blog. But I can't do that if your STUPI LITTLE VIRUS messes up my computer, my monitor and my internet, now can I? You're lucky I'm slacking and just watching a movie, but STILL! I don't get the point of spam. I don't get the point of viruses. We're all one people, and we're all doing the same thing. What good does sending a virus to others do to you? That's all I have on the topic, good day. I'm angry and UGHHHH!

btw, I'm talking about viruses from the site 1channel.ch. I love that they have sooo many free movies and half of them are pretty good quality, but they always have porn spam, online gaming spam, and info-mercial spam. They have soo many pop-ups you never know if it's just annoying or a real virus. Then, they also have a few good movies that I want to see, but they don't have a link for my internet or my country or something. They get my hopes up to the highest skyscraper, making my day, then they drop it down, through the 2397 feet and into a well that carries it even further down into the farthest pool of broken hearts and crushed dreams.

Anyway, that was a bit morbid. I just went online and a friend shared this with me:

 

It's a blue dragon mollusk! Cutest and most wonderfully extraordinary creature EVER!

Gas Incident and Story

Hello!

Who's ever driven on a freeway with..ehh, 70+ mph? *cough cough* I was being legal, but well, when you're driving that fast, you usually don't like when there are THREE trucks with full loads trailing behind them going your speed right behind you. in the left lane, in the right lane, in my lane, and all right behind my miniscule Kia Soul (KIA SOUL!!! WOOOHOOOO!). It was a bright red truck, a black truck, and a... I think white truck. Whatever, that was all.

 

So what happened today? Well well, I went to a random gas station I'd never even known existed before: "extra fuel." Well, there were only two other cars, a red truck in the first row, and a tan car in the second row. I figured, oh, let's take the first row since it's closer. NOPE! Bags over the hoses like at an abandoned gas station. So I go to the one next to the tan car. I only know and ever seen "regular" "medium" and the super gas buttons, so you can imagine my surprise at seeing "unleaded" "...unleaded" and "leaded" gas for buttons. Well, I picked my best guess at the $3.74 button. As I waited I found out who was in the tan car. Apparently it's a 30ish year old with no gas and a wallet at home. He JUST saw me pump my gas, so how can I say I have no money? So I reluctantly told him I'll get some money, maybe like 3 or 4 dollars. Crazy right? I'm a college freshman with a backpack in my empty car coming home from school and here's a guy, 27-30 year old in an untidy dress shirt asking me to buy him gas to go home. Just kind of sketchy...Who believes him? Who would've given him change? Who would've gone to a more well known gas station?

 

And here's a story for all you readers! Enjoy!

 

Kali ran and ran. Her little feet didn’t even feel the pavement beneath it. The tiny rocks and pebbles on the ground. Not even when she was on the warm moist grass did she feel any comfort. She kept running. She turned corners, ran into the tunnels, rose up above grasslands she loved to play in. She ran up and down hills, watching behind her every now and then. She caught glimpses of a man. He was wearing a purple cape and a slick fedora. As she ran, she passed maybe a dozen little shops. Odors and wifts of cakes, pies, and late night drinks. Most shops were dark, with silhouettes of manikins, dresses, and shelves of books or other on display for a long retired audience. The lonely few shops that were open had flickering candlelight or dim antique light bulbs, whose light danced upon shiny little objects.

 

She didn’t stop until she reached the Cliff. It was the one structure she could always count on to be there. Her friends and family may be busy or bail on her, and the animals may not be in the best of moods, but the one place she knew that would always accept her was the Cliff.

 

No Smell?!

What's that? Cupcakes? Oh how I would love some right now...just from the smell I could...

Hello again. Did you want a cupcake after reading that? Sorry. Well, I'm going to broood over how I can't smell, so don't go complaining.

If you sprayed something in front of me, with no color, picture or words to indicate what it was, I probably wouldn't even know it had an odor. I'd think you just sprayed water in front of me and I'd be annoyed.

How is it I came to not smell? Do I remember what smell is? What odors are in a bathroom? Scents in the fresh spring air? Or maybe a splash of perfume from my mother, grandma, or a friend? No. What's it like not being able to smell? Well, let me ask you this: what's it like not being able to see? To hear? Exactly.

People are used to growing up with the sense of smell, they KNOW what sweet is. Stench, fruits, a new book, fields after a rain storm. Me? I'm basing these senses off of what I taste, what I hear others say. If I grew up where people told me socks smell like candy, I would taste the candy to be sweet, the savory juices that tingle on your tongue as you chew. What about after a storm you say? Well, I haven't figured it out, but I'm guessing fresh. I base that off of how I feel after a shower, because there's not other "fresh" that I'd associate with rain. Something smooth, clean, odorless, maybe a touch of lemon or mint. However that's not realistic and it's only portrayed like that in pictures, in body language on TV or in person if people really go all dramatic like that.

I've never even known about fruits until recently. This past summer, I visited china, and my mother was saying she knew I'd bought an orange because she could smell it. I went to check my bag, thinking maybe the orange popped and juice spilled all over my things. Nope. It was perfectly intact. She then explained the pores in fruit emit scents we could smell.

What does my nose do then? Well, if I can't tell if milk is bad, or if there's a gas leak, or if someone farted or if a bathroom's unclean, what's the point of my nose? Well, I don't know, other than to breathe. I do get sensations that feel "cold" or "cool" and then "stuffy" sensations. If you bring vinegar vapor under my nose my nose tingles. I've learned to "fresh" or "sweet" or something good smells "cool." If it's a bathroom, something gross and an utter disgrace to mankind, it's "stuffy," as a bathroom gets clogged or as sweat is in humid weather.

If you can't see hear, smell, or use one of your senses, you know what I'm talking about. You rely on other senses. It's so different than just saying you rely on those senses and actually needing to. I know smell isn't that important a sense to lose, but I can understand what the blind deaf, or others are going through. Comment to share you story! I'd love to hear about others out there like me :)


I wish there were someone who would make a deal with me. What I wouldn't do to smell lotion, flowers, new cars, or rain.....

 

 

Dream

Ever have one of those dreams where they seem sooo real but you know it's a dream but you aren't awake enough to do anything with this knowledge so you live your dream until you actually wake? Well, I had one, and it was exciting and I must share because I don't have the skills or patience to create a movie based off of my dream.

Last night, I dreamt about a guy robbing an under ground store. It’s dim and has lots of stuff, like cakes, snacks, and others all lined up in displays. The guy comes down saying he wants to take some food, but I we hesitate, hoping our stalling will bring someone else down, but nope. I see a chance where I can go up to the guy, give him our stuff, and make a run for it, but they have men outside the door too. They say they need to cut off a hand or they kill us. They chose me and I keep squirming and crying. I know it’s inevitable, but I scream anyway, even before the blade comes near. One of our workers, who’s also my best friend at this job, came from medical school and can fix it up after the fact. As he preps, thoughts race through my mind to try and mentally prep myself. I think of the guy from 127 hours, cutting off his own hand (Yea, I’m only cutting my own hand off to survive! But wait, he had control over his own hand, I don’t! And what if this guy doesn’t know how to cut efficiently? What if the blade’s not sharp?) I could already feel the blade as it tries to separate my hand at my wrist. I could tell the guy was trying to figure out how to cut my hand without torturing me more. I watched as his blade hovered left and right looking for where to start. Suddenly, someone behind me makes a move and I hear a swish and a crack. I don’t even hear the thud as my hand hits the floor I stand on because I was in shock at my hand being missing. I’m aware the person behind me set off the guillotine and chopped my hand. I stare and try to scream but it was sooo much faster than I expected. I still don’t know who set it off, but he stood there, not shaking, not yelling, and not relaxed either. “It was easier. She’s only a kid. Now go,” he said gruffly, like he was controlling his anger and he was annoyed that he had to be put up to it. It’s silent for only a second before the pain finally creeps into my realization and I start to yell in pain. Everyone’s silent and still as they watch. Everyone except my friend, who rushes up to me to bandage up my wound. I don’t writhe like I thought I would. I was now crumpled on the floor, holding my arm and failing miserably to force the pain away.

Just the day before, I was wondering whether It would be easier to be hurt through a drug or poison or through physical pain, and I think I have my answer. Though I have yet to try poisons or drugs, I would hope there’s no greater pain than this. I am extremely sorry for any who has encountered worse pains.

Some of you may say this is a nightmare, not a dream, but i find regular dreams are too normal to be fun and exciting. I LOVE thriller dreams where you're caught in a tough situation where if it were real, you don't want to be in. I also had another dream where there was a fire and it was cornering me and someone else. Then a third guy comes over, leaves the 1st guy trapped behind the flames away from me. He takes a knife and is about to slit my throat but I think it was too much and I had no experience for my mind to re-create a sensation for it, so I woke up and the dream faded. I may tell the story in detail later.

Nighty night!