Creeps

Last night was literally the creepiest thing I loved through!
I was studying up in my room all day and night and never heard or saw anything. Then I went to the bathroom, cleaned up and brushed my teeth and came back. Settled to bed and tucked myself in. As all quieted down I heard a moan/yawn/scream. It was elongated and even and quiet. Like a yawn, so I figured, ok someone in the house is obnoxiously loud. Then it came again. And again. Then it was louder and I heard another sound start up and overlap the first sound. This second was just like the first. The two voices yelled "ahhhhhh" and/or "wahhhhhhh" for a few seconds. Taking turns or just overlapping. Then quiet for like 5seconds. Then a yeowl, like a cat when it's kicked off a porch. The noises were right outside my second story room. Then they yeowled for a minute and at this point I was freakin out because I didn't know if they were stinkin kids left outside, cats meiwing for food and getting impatient, or crazy something else trying to get me. The worst is that I didn't know what it was. If I knew for sure what it was I'd probably be annoyed rather than freaked. I stood on my window sill searching for it out in the yard and garden beneath my window, but I saw nothing. Everything looked normal. No movement. Nothing. The voices sounded like they were right outside, an I knew because I frequently hear my parents in the driveway or in the garden beneath my window or neighbors across the street, so I knew around where the noise were. How close they were. I listened for 7minutes until I couldn't stand it. I went to get my mom to see if I was really hearing this or if I was going crazy. I even double checked to make sure it was there. I stood next to my door making sure it was still going on then I heard it and left. I mean, I didn't want to seem like the girl who cried monster. She came and heard it and said I could go with her and seriously, it was silent in her room!! My room bing next to the open yard is always noisy and hers was so peaceful!! Grr, it wiuldve been ok if it was constant and predictable and I knew what it was, but random yeowling and shrieking that I could neither see nor identify was just too much.

Then that night, I dreamt we were sort of backpacking but not really. We were carrying a ton of stuff with us and when we tested we unloaded everything on ton shelves and such. Then Wilson and mom needed to go somewhere or do something. I wanted to leave but could just leave the stuff out, so I proceeded to clean up. I piled in a ton of cans and food and containers in a bag then went to fill another bag with loosely folded clothes then I simultaneously packed little stuff into another bag. Then realized I could pack stuff into the first bag but I couldn't find it. I was jut going through motions and I never stopped and worked for over an hour and it was almost time for me to be somewhere. I hurried but did not rush being careful to have stuff fit into the bags. They're the reusable bags and I was holding one. The whole time I was just bustling back and forth, and near the end I realized I could've carried the bag over to the shelves or carried more stuff per trip, but I didn't. People were cleaning their stuff too, one or two were always around me doing their own thing, but they were working at a normal pace. The hallways was like this medium tan hall, like my elementary hallway. So weird. The time flew though! I wasn't slow or wasting time and was always busy. Bet you this was the most boring dream.

Undefined self

I just realized I have 5 different lives. One life is filled with books, another with romance, another with darkness, ghosts and depression, another with adventure, another with music, another with dance. I have sooo many different sides to me but nothing prominent. I played tuba in marching band, I was peer mediator, I played tennis, I play quidditch, went backpacking, traveled to europe and china, performed in drama club, played flute, wants to dance and sing and act, wants to learn chinese and ASL, knows some ASL, in addicted to TV shows with ghosts, romance, comedy, and/or adventure, in love with YA books like Across the universe, Harry potter, Christopher pike books, and crazy about arts and crafts. However, nothing every really defines me. My variety in life defines me. The fact that I'm in 500 different things and yet never ace through anything defines me. No super grades, no super sports no super talent, yet no failing anything either. I complain and woohoo with everyone about everything but it doesn't change the fact that it doesn't define me. Is this me searching for who I am? Or is this exactly who I am? Indecisive and floating between this and that and always loving and hating everything just enough to even it all out?

Appalachian

Crazy white shoes lady, sleeping in freezing weather and ingesting dirt and not washing hands for a week and hiking!!! Plus not being in civilization and not changing. Runny noses wiped on sweaty rain-damp clothes that have been rolled around in dirt. Climbing a mountain and going bathroom in the woods and frozen food and water and havin slushed when it's freezing out. Takin 3 hour lunch breaks and lounging when we have a snack break. Talk about lobsters and using the van's exhaust to warm us up, forgetting that that could kill. It was an adventure, an an experience, but being out there helped me realize there's more to life than just school and social statuses. I appreciate all modern luxuries and being able to write. I am more motivated to work out and less germaphobic. Love love love myself and life and everyone!!! Ok maybe not everyone, since there are till some annoying people and all. Too much to tell, and sooo much I've learned and discovered. I don't know what the point of this post was since half of it doesn't have grammar and nothing is elaborated and all, but I guess it's just me trying to get it all out of my system. Once I said I won't smoke becaus to couldn't even start the lighter, and a guy said awe don't let that stop you! Gret times, and these people were great and I love love LOVED it!!

Honked

Apparently there's something odd about walking in the dark on a local street with your hood down and your hands stuffed in the pockets of your hoodie. I was in a bright green st. Patty's day hoodie from my college. Now I was trying to be funny and try to act like some hoodlum wandering the streets, but one could also interpret my posture and stuff as a sign of me being cold and miserable walking home. I was neither and was just trying to plant ideas. However, I got honked by the car. Rude much? No matter who I am, why would you honk? I'm just a college kid finishing my run and cooling down,and walking in a particularly dark part of the neighborhood. Not robbing a house. Not myrdering children. Not a lonely outcast with no car. And if I were a miserable loner walking home, why make it worse by honking in my ear? Idiot.

Run 3 miles

skipped practice and felt super bad, so i decide to run. Turns out I finished 3 miles!! ran the furthest I've ever done in my neighborhood, though appareently in track we used to un 3 miles too. I was taking breaks, just like in track, but I felt beter and more accomplished today than I did in track. Maybe the change in scenery. Or maybe I've got more fitting clothes this time. Or maybe because Ididn't have track stars to run with and feel slow against. Or maybe...

Who knows. All I know is, I want to be doing this everyday, though I know I can't because I simply don't. Have. Time. Want to watch Grimm, Switched at birth, Once upon a time, Walking dead, New girl, and romance movies, yet I want to squish in 4 years of schooling into 3 with starting my stuff a semester late. I want to hike and do this and that play quidditch and EVERYTHING!!! But. I. Can't.
Also want to finished the last two Harry potter books and Across the universe. But guess what? I____

Wish I were like those super multitaskers who just join things and ace them or try out something totally crazy and succeed. Me? I do regular stuff, a bit above average, and just get by. Well, I succeed, but I fail on an Asian level that I should be at. I'm asian, I have asian friends, and half the school is asian, but me? oh god, I'm just 100% american on the inside.

hike?

Hmmm, I don't know if I should. 8-12 miles a day, from 6am - 10pm carrying 30lbs of equipment for 5 days.... yes? no? I don't know? They say we need to be physically in good condition, but what does that mean? My chest - sternum? - idk the middle of my rib cage at the front of my chest, it hurts when I run too fast or work out too much or something, and idk if that's just me or if that's an issue. I play quidditch, but we get breaks, and we play for 30min tops at a time. I want to challenge myself, but I don't want to be the one holding everyone back. I heard 2 miles an hour is good, but ehh WHYYY! Wish I had friends who will hike for a week. But no one I know is fit enough... and the ones who are, I'm not buddy-buddy with. Great dilema, huh?

 

Game...

I finally understand what people mean when they say they feel like a winner even though they thoroughly lost everygame. Yesterday, I was on this newbie quidditch team and I knew I wasn't good and I was completely nervous I'd let everyone down because I was horrible, but it wasn't bad at all. Yea, there are a few things I should've worked on, and I probably should've practiced more or gotten more in shape. However, we were all friends, and we didn't expect to win even if we had hoped to. We played others, lost. Butttt I did so much better than I usually do in quidditch that it really didn't matter. I learned more strategies in playing and watching and actually following the game. Maybe the most influencial thing was that I was able to goal ref first and I was forced to follow the game and HAD to do stuff on my own and make own decisions. Anyway, I WAS PROUD OF OUR TEAM AND HOW WE PLAYED!! But afterwards, my clothes were dirty and I was super tired and IDK what was wrong. I felt sick like I should have a fever, but I didn't. I just wanted to cuddle up and sleep forever, yet I wanted to be doing stuff, like watch a movie or something. Oh well, great day. And now, school....

I haven't even thought about school all day! I was super stressed the day before, looking at the intense schedule of my summer, then at what I should do this week, assignments to finish, and exams to study for, but now, monday, I don't feel any anxiety about schools! YAY! Well, I do know I haveee to finish some things but I don't FEEL like it's important. You ever feel like that? You KNOWW something is important and you should totally do it, but you feel totally calm and relaxed and like everything will just work out?

Odd, but ok

hmm, so now I've taken to using "ass hat" "ass wipe" and "what the shit." Totally plausible right? IDK, I like it. Not that I say it outloud to people, since I'm just. that. nice.

My one "up" after a week of "downs"

so EXCITING!!! Mircobio exam was interesting, fun but hard. Physics was, for once, not worse than I expected!!! And I'm more involved with quidditch this semester! Plus I just discovered this carpool thing where I can charge for giving rides!! cool! Ok, so I didn't really expect to get money for this, but $4 seemed like a ton more than it's woth. I wanted people to be attracted to a reasonable price, so $3. Not too bad, right? pays for gas, and I mean, I normally drive the same route for free so technically, ANY amount would do for me.

But I ALREADY GOT A PASSENGER!! I GET (technically) A JOB NOW!!!! WOOOO!

And last week, I got to volunteer to be chem team captain, and I get to be responsible for people in my group! Ha HA! Well, the work isn't fun, but i do what i can, and it's kind of fun to do stuff for people! Yep, I'm a nerd. Totally and completely. Plus I ran this morning and excersised and all, so maybe that's why I'm in a good mood. And my hair looks good for once and I've got a perfect outfit with perfect weather and it's just AHHHH MAZING!

Plus I finished another ferrero rocher piece and I got ahead on posting pictures and stuff for my other blog plus I.... I don't know, I'm just out of the dumps today. Started last night after physics and been in a good mood every since. Probably cuz I didn't waste time with movies and shit, and also I didn;t get behind. Or maybe it's cuz I watched Luanlegacy and he was just that good :)

Great way to end the week!! Love love love life!