Such a let down

I planned to run, finish reading my book for class, do some homework, go to a fair with my friend, and then at the fair I had a few things I planned to do once I knew about them, but I missed it. I missed it all.

Tried reading, but it was too cold so I snuggled in my bed. The book was a theory book on quantum physics and my bed was so comfy and the book was so boring, so I slept away my reading and running time. I dressed for quidditch, wearing navy top and bottoms, and I had no fashion today just so I could get dirty at practice, but I missed it because I was waiting in a line at the fair. Then at the fair I was planning to go with my friend, but she was busy and I was going to be busy later. So I went around myself, found other friends, but we went too late and the turtle stress balls were gone and the free coffee mug was gone and no one had anymore bags to give out. The airbrush t-shirt was pretty, but I rushed my"customising" so that I ended up wanting my shirt to say something else. The fre was packed by the time I got there at 4pm (when it started) and I was last in line. I left that 2 hr line to wait for my t-shirt, but that took forever.build-a-bear and the line was short after only 1 hour. I waited but turns out they only have the ugly bears to give out. And by then, I was hoping I could make up some time and rush to my car, move it closer for later, and finish some homework, but it just didn't happen. I wanted to see this other friend that I hadn't seen in a week, but I didn't get to. I wanted to get ahead in class, but I didn't have time.

Today. Was. Such. A. Let. Down.

Dressed ugly. Didn't get to run or practice. Didn't get the stuff I wanted at the fair. Didn't do the work I wanted to finish. Didn't do anything that I wanted. I feel like I need to hit something, but what? I hit a person, I'll feel bad. I hit a wall, I'll die. I hit my car, well...no one wants that. I hit my pillow, it's not resistant enough. I want to run and let out the energy build-up in my arms and legs, but how?! I used to go down to my yard and stab a knife into the soil, but last time I did that I bent the knife because there was a rock in there....

I want to stress eat. I want to watch a movie and drown out my own life. I want to write away my frustration. I hate wasting time. I hate not being independent and on top of things. I hate being such a bum. But then again, that may just be how I see myself. Others may envy me for all I know, but as far as I can tell, that's not happening. I'm awkward, I don't think quite rationally sometimes, I am just a bit above average academically, I am just a bit above average physically (as in staying fit), and I can never finish anything or focus on only one thing. I know there are worse things, but I just... I don't know... I need to fix me before I fix others. Some kid may very well be starving to death, but I'm driving myself crazy and as long as I'm bipolar and confused about life, no one will be getting anything from me.