Finals

Finals are OVER! thank god. Ughh, but it hasn't been easy.

1st - my brother's been rude, immature, insensitive and a total ass this past week, putting it out that every second that I'm stupid and all. I know it's not true, but I can't deny it. I can't just let it go but I can't civilly argue it. I'm about to write him off along with Qi. Compared to stats, I'm smart, compared to friends, I'm average. Compared  to wilson and reservourians, I'm ehh. Compared to people on TV that show the average, I have no life and I'm super smart and nerdy. But compared to family, I'm social and don't study enough.

But in finals world, let me tell you - staying up all crazy hours studying chem and them writing up wmstudies final essay and the last week of fall term I stayed up and went over my suicide paper 500 times and revised 50 times and went out of my way to get help that didn't really help and printed copies that were only drafts and wasted papers I didn't need to. After that last day, I reviewed calc final stuff, crammed the day of with classmates, stressed that I didn't know anything on the actual test then hated myself for not studying harder or going out for more help. Then I went to the library to study chem, filling in all the answers to quizzes and tests and the review and making more notes for my study guide. I hoped the McKeldin would follow up on their word to give out free stuff throughout finals week to relieve stress or something but that didn't happen. Then I went over to chem review on saturday, but that didn't work and I sort of learned, but not too much. I still hated asking questions and in a big lecture hall? yea right. I went to mckeldin and stayed hoping for free stuff but NOPE! so I left after 3 hours and went home. Then I studied all weekend and monday (yesterday) going over tests, my guides and trying to run but too stressed to. Then today I ran out of stuff to study and I had until 4pm til the test, so I needed to get there hopefully at 3.30pm, so I figured I'd drive at 2.30pm. So I slept at 11pm on monday, until 9am today, but it took an hour before I fell asleep and I know that because I was still awake and couldn't sleep at 12am when I checked my ipod to write notes to myself. I finally slept and today I ran while studying for 20 minutes before leaving and got there 1 hour early! I saw Mick <3, but I never talk to him and today I didn't feel like, so I just smiled. I played and watched videos and got bored and anxious and finally, it was 3:30 and I went in. Then I didn't learn any last things from classmates and people, so i went into the test full on.
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UGHHHHH! I didn't check other class's grades because I didn't want to jinx my mentality about how well or bad I've done right? I didn't want to rub the turtle's nose for luck or "worship" him because EVERY good luck thing I'd ever done before NEVER worked and I just ignore it. I pray to the heavens that the luck-people don't get offended that I don't believe in them or that I believe they're bad luck. However I also don't anti-luck myself by following bad luck stuff because that's just stupid. So I just listlessly wandered about lost in my own world, not sure what to do with myself.

The chem final was NOT what he prepared us for in 2 hours. There were problems that needed 10 different steps, problems that involved 5 different concepts and others that just needed time to sort out and wasn't hard but waere tedious. The guys next to me just stressed like it was anyother test and I didn't get help, but they found it about as hard as I did, so hhopefully it's a big curve. Halfway through the exam, I got a burning headache, my hands were cold and sweaty and I think I was starting a fever or something. As of now, I still have a headache and it's cold, even with a thick rain coat and the heat from the AC at home.

I finished 2 bags of chips 1 box of cheezits, and finished all three seasons of H2O while studying. I hope it paid off. I hope I don't need to do this for future studying or I'm about to get fat in the next four years.

Now I'm bored out of my mind and have no idea what to do for the next month. I don't have class until January 2, and I have class until the end of the year.
Now, I have no idea what I'm going to do, I need to be at school at 12:30 to see my chem exam, and I want to write a blog, pass college,sing, dance, learn sign language and 50 other things I WANT to but can't do. I have OCD about finishing everything at once but I JUST CAN'T MULTITASK!! I've gotten better, that's good right?

I'm starting to watch Body of proof and it's AMAZING!! love the CDC and police! I love Grimm police too, but that's because they're human and not very official with their work. Body of proof is more paper work and facts rather than emotionally being involved.